My "Graduation" in June 2007

"Give up simpleness and live, Walk in the way of understanding.'"

Proverbs 9.6 [JPS Tanakh 1985]

I'm way behind on posting here so while I have the time I will post a few things that have transpired over the last six months. I missed posting some things here.... and time has sort of swept me along.

On the Erev Shabat of the 7th of Tamuz, 5767, having fulfilled the mitzvot of Hatafat Dam Brit, immersion in a Mikfah, and presented myself for judgment before a duly constituted Beit Din and found acceptable, I was called to the Bimah and accepted the yoke of the Torah publicly in the presence of my congregation.

The tradition in our congregation is that each member of the class who "graduated" is required to write and present a "Valedictory" speech that tells how and maybe why we have come to be standing before the congregation. I use the word "graduated" because conversion is not a good word to describe the process. It does not tell the half of it. You can't be converted to something you already are -- even if you didn't know it.

So with out further digressions here are the words I spoke to my congregation:



To be Jewish is to be a traveler. To heed the command of the One who speaks to us and says "Lech Lecha". When I was two and a half years old my parents left South Carolina and their Baptist heritage behind. They took my older brothers and I to California.

To be Jewish also means to dedicate one's life to learning. As I grew up my parents instilled in me both the wonder of the written word and the need to seek the inner, spiritual nature of things. It was no wonder that in my youth I became an avid reader and a poet then a lyricist and songwriter... There in California I began my journey as a mystic. I have wandered the last forty years in the desert. Until Now.

Some one said to me several weeks ago the reason many of you come to this particular service is to hear about what brought each of us here to stand before you. To hear our traveler's tales. But let me tell you a secret: our journey is your journey.

I could tell you about the places I've been, both in Darkness and in Light. I could tell you how I always weep during a seder or sometimes when we pray together. I could tell you things about ancient myth, or the psychology of ritual or even the price of placing my small human ego before the needs of another or the needs of my community.

To be honest, for all of my striving I am like many others in this world: a simple, flawed individual. I have no pretensions to greatness. I have no wealth or great store of wisdom. I know that I am the very least among you.

Yet our journey, yours and mine, to this very moment is all about how we each wrestle with God. How we each encounter a burning bush in the wilderness. How we each are called to bring ourselves and all those we encounter up out of bondage.

Frankly I think I could give you an itemized list of all the moments, the words, the odd coincidences that have affirmed the rightness of the commitment I have made this evening but they are much more than my time will allow.

Rabbi Lawrence Kushner has said, “Entrances to Holiness are everywhere, All the time.” I believe that knowing Holiness is not beyond our reach. Some of those entrances are in the prayers we share. Some of those entrances are in the things you have taught or shared with me. Some of those entrances are found in pursuing Kindness and Justice. Sometimes the entrance to Holiness is as simple as being willing to open our heart to see the world and our fellow human beings with new eyes.

This past year I have wept both in joy and in sorrow in this community. I briefly had the blessings of the friendship and wisdom of Peter Lindenberg, Seymour Dubin, and especially John Seers, their memory is a blessing to those who knew them. They inspired me to continue to seek goodness, justice and humility even if the path is not an easy one.

As I have studied this past year, I have been blessed with wise, kind and very patient teachers in Rabbi Holz and Rabbi Seigel, a class of patient and compassionate fellow students, and a supportive kibbitzing family. [OY! Have I got a family!?!]

I extend my thanks to Rob Turkowitz for showing me, when I first arrived in Charleston, how to save a sinking ship. To Billy Olasov, for being a kind, friendly if tearful man. To my new friends Ken and Susan Davidson, Debra and Peter Dubin, Robin and Gil Schuler, Marty and Shelly Yonas, David and Dolly Jaffe, To Caroline Jaffe who has made the sage and more than ironic observation that “Mr. Joel sure does talk a lot”. To Bob Wicher for his kindness and warmth even after discovering I have mystical inclinations. To David Bozarth for the hardy force of his presence. To Toby Singer and Koleinu for singing the songs for my heart and lastly [but not least] to Harold Jacobs for his acknowledgment, encouragement and many kindnesses. To each one of you I give my deepest thanks.

I especially want to thank my wife Cynthia who just coincidentally is my best friend and Harlee who is both wise and the daughter of my Heart.

While it may seem odd to you, the words of the traditional morning prayer for me seems to fit this special moment:

I give thanks to You, Living and Eternal One,

For having mercifully restored my soul within me.

Great is Your faithfulness.

And I will add:

From this day forward,

May the works of my hands, the deeds of my life

and the songs of my heart declare Your Glory. Amein.

I've got more things to share... like new lyrics for Ecclesiastes 3 and "How the Curtain Shootout" came out... but that's for next time.

hagedi

Death in the Back Room... [Or how I spent my Yom Kippur]

It has been a little while since I've posted... been busy... but the other night I wrote something for another Net based posting medium but because of its subject matter I thought it should also be posted here with some minor edits...

"A season is set for everything, a time for every experience under heaven: A time for being born and a time for dying..." Ecclesiastes 3.1-2 [JPS Tanakh 1985]

Death has a funny way of announcing itself.

Usually you are the last to know... So let me ramble on for a bit as old folks are wont to do when you don't really have time [or interest] to listen.

Don't worry.

It will be painless. You'll be asleep before you know it...

As some of you know I've been spending my time studying how to be a Yid... Well in June I finally got my graduation papers... so now I'm no longer an ignorant long haired twisted pinko pagan... instead I'm an ignorant old gray haired [sometimes silver depending on the darkness of the room or my soul] twisted pinko Yid... But still a cyberpunk type.

Cyberpunk?

Go read Gibson's Neuromancer or others from the mirror-shaded era of '80s Science Fiction... The Matrix is just a shadow of the darkness reflecting that era...

I do computers. I read Science Fiction... I see a Dark Future unless we change... so:

A Cyberpunk Yid...

Imagine that!

Look! can't you see me swaying as I davvin to type this? Davvin? What's that?

Oi... it is the way a Yid's body moves when he prays with all his being...

So how does a Cyberpunk Yid spend the Day of Atonement?

"What?" You Say. "Atonement for what? Only Blue Boxers do tones."

Ah...

[For those of you who don't know what a bluebox is well... just say its a box that makes tones that allows one to make free phone calls... uh... illegally... ]

[For those of you who don't understand atonement... well I'll try to explain...]

For those of you unaware of Jewish Theology and / or Legend, Rosh Hashannah is the first day of the Jewish Lunar Calendar Year....

On that day the Being that runs the Quantum Computing Data Center [Otherwise know as the universe in which we live move and have our being] starts a core dump of the system... call it shaking the quantum dice...

Or clearing out the drek at the bottom of the pot...

whatever....

any way....

The Chief Operator starts to make plans... analyzing... looking... deciding.... Its petal to the metal for ten days balancing the books and then on Yom Kippur the Operator makes final tallies about the important stuff...

you know...

who lives. who dies...

who is smart enough to sell out and then get out of the country before the SEC, FTC, FBI, and DHLS figure out the stockholders and the government has been screwed or who gets caught before they can even buy the tickets....

Who gets to bed the girl and who gets laughed at for asking...

That kind of Stuff.

It's the day we admit we've failed the Chief System Operator's instructions. So what many Jews do is they spend that day pleading with the Chief Operator not to terminate their accounts. You know how that is.

[unless you're my friend Jack and have a crafty hand with other people's telco wire.]

So what did I do? Like any newly minted, ignorant Yid [do I look that smart?] I spent my night and then most of my day at the Synagogue... but unlike most of those folks around me I told the Operator: "Look, I don't understand what's up with You. I'm a lousy human being. I'm not really a good guy. There are other things more important that keeping a geezer like me on life support. If you really think you need to terminate my existence and it will make some kind of difference some time some when then please... by all means."

Look-- I know what I am. I'm no sterling example of humanity... I'll never join a "Social Networking" site... I'm not that kind of social.

I can't do IM... I prefer to think about what I'm trying to communicate rather than putting my foot in my mouth why even in the places I do frequent on-line I've pissed off or hurt people's feelings

[whoever you are, where ever you are I know I cannot take away the harm I have caused you but I ask your forgiveness]...

So I know I am not able to stand among the great or the famous much less the rich and well to do. The slate containing my failures and my sins is mostly black...

You know there is a little understood myth that is in the Torah about a sacrifice that is offered around the time of the Day of Atonement.

The sacrifice is a goat that is given to Azrael [who is identified by some as the Angel of Death and by others as a Canaanite God] to take on the sins of the Yids.. this myth is the source of the word Scapegoat... It is ironic that I've been called The Old Goat on-line for quite a while... and even funnier that I chose HaGedi [Hebrew for "the goat kid] as my "nom de plume" for this blog...

So like I said I went and spent the day at the Shul.

Now our Shul [Yiddish for "School" and synonymous for Synagogue] has a Erev [Evening] Service and then a morning service, then a children's service.. then an afternoon service.. then a Yitzor [Memorial] service, and finally another almost but not quite Erev service...

Oh. I forgot to tell you:
You're supposed to starve yourself while you're doing all this pleading with the Operator. Yes, Its a "fast" day from sundown to sundown... but it sure seems like a long 24 hours for such a fast day... if you get my drift.

You know you got to be really addicted to the service the Operator provides if you're willing to starve yourself to keep it. Would you do the same thing to keep your World of Warcraft account? Ok, So this is life we're talking about.

So I go to the Erev Service. And I go to the Morning service. The place is packed with "Ghost Yids"... some of you may know these as the Jews that are only seen in Shul on Rosh Hashannah and Yom Kippur.

One other thing that is important to remember when you come to Shul during the Days of Awe: Careful when you inhale or exhale you might be stealing someone else's breath... We Yids tend to breath together at times like these... There are other problems like: "Oh wait... Get your elbow out of my eye..."

The place is packed... Oi!

It was after the Children's service that the first shadow fell... The Reform Shul in Charleston is the oldest "living" Shul in America. It was built in 1840. On the back walls of the sanctuary are four wall boxes with brass plates with the names of those Yids that had the money [or relatives with the money] to put up a plate as a memorial to their passing from this life.

Next to each name is a low wattage clear bulb [think "night light"]. The bulbs are only turned on to commemorate the anniversary of the person's death but all of them are turned on for the Yitzor service on Yom Kippur... we like to remember all of them on that day... or maybe its to get them to remember us to the Operator... Dunno.

So I volunteer to help screw in the bulbs at the conclusion of the Children's service for the oldest of all of the boards [it does not have a master power switch like the other boards . ... I think it was installed in the 1920's but I'm not really sure]

When the service concluded I started screwing in the bulbs. I get about half way through and there's a flash then a pop much like the sound of a nine millimeter hand gun heard in the distance.

The bulb I'm holding shatters in between my right index finger and my thumb. The board's lights die and so too the lights on the memorial wall box adjacent to the one I've been working on. The board has blown the circuit breaker... A 20 Amp breaker. Plenty of joules to fry a Jew.

I don't realize what has just happened... until I look at my index finger as I bend to pick up the broken glass [I don't want the children stepping on it after all]. From the tip of my finger to the base of my thumb is covered in black soot from the arc of electricity. Strangely I was not cut by the bulb glass when it shattered. I pick up the glass shards and then go to wash my hand... Thinking on the way: The Memorial boxes are solid metal. If I had been touching the metal box what that bulb blew I would have popped a breaker too...

I get through the Afternoon service but do not stay for the rest.

I'm tired and not just a little shook up. I could have died. Maybe I did. After all we are living our lives inside a Quantum Computer.

The Reality has a Quantum State which is this: Nothing is forbidden. Everything is happening at once. Everything is true. When I say everything, I mean everything. There's not just this one universe but more than we can even imagine

Everything is true -- even the lies we've told each other. Okay?

So the Chief operator didn't terminate my account... in this particular Quantum space... At least not yet.

So my wife and I go and stop at my sister-in-law's $300K house in the 'Hood built in 1890 by one of the town's undertakers... I begin to feel a little better... at least until she asks me: "So if you had died... do you think they'd give you a free wall plaque?"

I think to myself... "Sure with a $250 shipping and handling charge..."

My wife and I head out to help with setting up things at a "Break the Fast" Party... held in an exclusive gated community on the Isle of Palms... Did you know that the barrier island locations around Charleston have been turned into the titles of "Best Selling" pot boilers?...

Isle of Palms is one of "those" kind of places... Next door is Sullivan's Island [Where Poe wrote "The Gold Bug"... and that pot boiling author wrote "Sullivan's Island"]... across the bay [Charleston Bay... the one Randy Newman wrote about] and down the road [I'm sure some day I'm gonna write a song about that road] is Folly Beach where Gershwin wrote the music to "Porgy and Bess"... and I'm pretty sure the pot-boiler writer has written a book... So we're on our way out to one of the barrier islands where all the rich folks live [understand... we live a block way from da hood]

Of course I did not make the left turn when I should have but we still ended up in the right place [hey! we Yids have a *long* history of wandering around and still ending up where we were supposed to go...] So we make it to the home of our well-to-do host and hostess...

Yids party whenever there is a good opportunity. Birth, Death, Marriage, you name it we'll figure out some way to turn it into a party... why? Because we've had to deal with so much grief. So we have a party. This Erev we celebrate the fact we survived the Fast. Me? I think I am partying because I survived the Yitzor Box.

This is not the first time I've had a close encounter with Death.

So we party... in the polite civilized way that those who are accustomed to money are wont to do. Midway through the evening my wife not seeing where I'm standing moves her arm... suddenly my sixty five dollar white shirt [the only dress shirt I own] looks like what Jack Ruby did to Lee Harvey Oswald... red wine does wonders for white shirts.

The hostess is gracious: she offers me a golf shirt or an Air Force Tee that says:

"When it absolutely has to be destroyed overnight -- Air Force"...

I take the Tee... After all my shirt has just been destroyed by my peace loving Lady.

Eventually I get home and I sit down. I pull out my beat up, funky, Open E tuned Guitar and write down the lyrics for a new take on Ecclesiastes Chapter 3 verses 1 to 8... you know the one... Pete Seeger turned it into a hit and no one has dared to try to write a different version... 'cept for some foolish old Goat. You know him.

arrogant to the last...

A season is set for everything
a place and time for every deed
For above and below Heaven
A place and time for ev'ry need

Funny thing about the guy who wrote that stuff originally. You know... In the Book.

He knew about the Quantum rig we're playing in. Read verse 9 and 10... Wait. Put down that KJV. You want to understand what a Jew understands then read a Bible translated by a Jew... The KJV is a bad bit of plagiarism.

Anyway, the way I read those verses is that The Chief System Operator has already fixed the outcome... all of them... [So what do I read today on SlashDot? David Deutsch with some other folks at Oxford have come up with some maths about "the many worlds theory" of Quantum Mechanics showing how *every* possibility really may be true...]

Then I got to reflecting on how tired and stiff I was from all of the togetherness I had suffered. You know me. I'm not so good at that kind of stuff. I don't suffer togetherness too well...

So I take one of my Lady's Little Helpers and I'm off to sleep for 12 hours... When I get up I record the new tune about how theres a season for everything... I drop it into my audio editor... a little cut... a little paste... then some mastering stuff and finally convert it to MP3 and go to upload it on to my little Linux web server... it's been home to the the mostly empty Back Room. The Back Room is a private chat / posting space for writers of my aquintance from the USENET list Alt.Cyberpunk.Chatsubo. The same server hosts my dvusMedia music archives and other stuff... but...

My FTP client can't connect...

It's happened before... We've had power outages and I've had to go an reboot the box [at least before I replaced the UPS]... I wander over and climb around the junk to get to the box. no big deal. Sometime we have power surges here. Nope. The UPS is fine... no red lights from dead batteries....

Except...

The box is dead. It won't power up. The Back Room server is dead.

The Back Room needs a brass plate and a 7 watt clear bulb.

I'm not sure when my little server died. Maybe it was when I shorted out the memorial box... maybe it was when my shirt died with the glass of Wine... maybe it died several weeks ago from loneliness... Maybe it's not dead at all but I just don't know how to make its quantum state collapse into a mode where I can connect to it.

I suppose I'll pull out one of the other boxes I've got floating around here in the drek of the Goat House Studio and bring it back to life... if only to pull the music off of it... or maybe I'll bring it back to life and set it free to its own purpose... and that got me to thinking [a dangerous thing for a silver haired goat to do]:

A lot of what we seek to do as writers or artists is about connectivity... we are seeking to connect our audience to their own emotions... connect them to their own thoughts and sometimes setting them free enough to have new thoughts and feelings... Sometimes it is we who are seeking to connect to our own ideas or feelings or dreams... and the audience is just along for the ride.

As artists or writers ours is a continuum of ideas where all we create and say and do is real and true-- even if we contradict one another. It can't be any other way.

Assuming the Many Worlds interpretation of Quantum Mechanics is correct then this is a thing we are required to do: We must be who we are and we must say these things--- Because that's what it means to be a creative wave function in a quantum computing device. All of the "yous" in all the various states of the Quantum Reality Machine must act out all of your possibilities...

So:

Maybe I died when I screwed in that bulb... or I was shot at the party... or died of an overdose of antidepressants in 1987... or The Back Room became the super star of all of the Web 2.0 sites... all of these are as true as this moment when I sit writing these words.

somewhere we got everything we wanted... in another somewhere we got all we deserved... but in this somewhere we'll get what we dare to create....

Until next time...

HaGedi

What kind of Pesach Jew are You?

"Take heed that you do not forget the Lord that freed you from the Land of Egypt, the house of bondage."
Deut 6.12 [JPS Tanakh 1985]

Pesach [or Passover] is a major Jewish Holiday. It is the celebration of the exodus from Mizrayim [Egypt] around 3200 years ago. It is a time to remember that not only did God free us from slavery and hard bondage then, he has freed us now -- today.

Traditionally the Jewish family gathers to share this joyous occasion, but sometimes the hard bondage of who we choose to be, gets in the way of remembering what this special Holiday is really about.

Of all of the Jewish Holidays this is the one that speaks to my heart and soul the most. I know some who have forgotten what it means. They did not really listen to the words of the Haggadah. Maybe they need to read it again and think about it.

A friend of mine recently played for me a Jewish camp song "What kind of Jew are you?" so let's play a little game with this in mind, but centered around Pesach.

Pesach lasts [depending where and who you are] seven or eight days. On the first and second night of Pesach there is a special meal and a religious service that you not only share with family but you also share it with strangers as well for we are reminded that "we sojourned as strangers in the land of Egypt." At one point we even open the door to welcome the presence of Eliyahu HaNavi, Elijah the Prophet who legend says will come to tell us of the coming of the Messianic Age.

What kind of Jew refuses to invite strangers or even family to their table on a day such as this because making a stranger or that family member comfortable is just too difficult?

Pesach is a celebration of freedom from bondage. It is a time when we honor God for having freed us from the bondage of "Mizrayim". Mizrayim is the Hebrew word for Egypt but meaning "the narrow space". But it is important to understand that God not only freed us 3200 years ago but God is willing to do it again for us today -- now -- this moment.

That narrow space of bondage might be one of hurt, anger, fear, prejudice, or grief. Our "pharaoh" might be work or home, or family members that make us feel enslaved or trapped. The "miracle" of Pesach is that God will free us from this narrow space if we choose to follow.

What kind of Jew refuses to see the world has changed and still clings to yesterday's truth, or yesterday's anger and its grievances or yesterday's prejudice?

Pesach is a celebration for old and young, for rich and poor. It is a holiday where we all remember our good fortune to have been called to be a holy people.

What kind of Jew lessens or degrades another human being, valuing their own worldly possessions over and above the welfare of another's life or liberty?

Pesach is a time for the remembrance of humility. For God did not have to rescue the children of Jacob but God heard the cries of their hard bondage and answered them.

Yet Pharaoh is not the only one with a "hardened heart". If you read the books of the Prophets, The Nevi'im, you will find again and again the plea that the children of Israel turn from its ways and humble itself. To return to become the Holy people that God loves.

What kind of Jew refuses to humble themselves before God because they are too proud?

Pesach is a time to learn about what God wants from us and wants us to teach our children. The center piece of the Haggadah are the four questions and the ethical conundrums underlying those questions.

Who asks these questions? The wise child, the head-strong child, the simple child and the ignorant child. By and large the most difficult of these children is the head-strong child: the child or adult that thinks they know what's is best and says "you" instead of "we". The head-strong child cannot even logically conceive of the idea that God not only freed the Jews 3200 or so years ago, but can still do the same thing today. Strangely enough, most of us are head strong children.

What kind of Jew thinks they know better than God what is God's will or God's way?

Pesach is a time to serve all who come to the seder table to share the joy of our freedom and do it for the love and joy of doing it, without placing a price tag or expectation upon anyone. It is not a time to lord over guests or family as if they were servants [there is no time when *that* should be so].

What kind of Jew uses any kind of event to show off how "marvelous, great, or magnanimous" they are?

So..Pharaoh [or head strong child] wherever you may be...

Listen:

You can't win. God freed us. Now. Today. This moment. We are forever beyond your control. We are beyond your judgment. We will be what we will be... for we will be, and do, and say what the God of our fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, the God of Jacob and the God of Moses, has asked of us to do, to be, and to say.

Because I have learned this the hard way, in the House of Bondage, I can say in both joy and humility when asked what kind of Pesach Jew am I? I am Jew-bilant.

Until next time....

HaGedi

Purim for Mystic, Part 2: But what about Haman?

"He made darkness His screen; dark Thunderheads,
dense clouds of the sky, were His pavilion round about Him"
Psalms 18.12 [JPS Tanakh 1985]



In the first part of our mystical interpretation of The Book of Esther we pointed out that Esther represents the soul, that Mordechai is the Yetzer HaTov, the good inclination which guides us; and that Ahasuersus is the Melech HaOlam.

But what about Haman?

What role does Haman play? Who is he? What does he want?

Let's explore the aggadah about Haman. His name means "noise; tumult" and from his role in the story it seems that chaos follows him. One could assume from the meaning of his name that he symbolizes raw chaos but there is more to Haman. It is curious that the sound of the grogger, the noise maker that tradition tells to use to "blot out Haman's name" during the reading of the Megillah scroll, is in fact just another way of saying his name but louder.

In Esther 3.1 we are told the King, the Melech HaOlam, promoted and "seated him higher than any of his fellow officials". The King even ordered that all should bow down to Haman. An aggadah tells us [Esth. R. vii.] that the image of a pagan idol was embroidered on Haman's robe. If a man bowed to Haman he would also bow to the image of the idol and this was the reason that Mordechai would not bow to Haman.

Another Aggadah tells us that Haman for 22 years was a barber. While still another aggadah tells us that Haman was an astrologer who had 365 couselors and that when he decided to eliminate the Jews he cast a divination [Purim] to determine the best time to kill them.

So this raises a question.

If the King in our story is G-d, and Haman is the highest official beside the king, *and* Mordechai [the Yetzer HaTov] will not bow down before Haman, and to make matters worse Haman is desires to commit genocide for the personal affront given by one man, then who or what does Haman really represent?

Haman having been a barber may indicate he was also a physician for "leechcraft" had a long tradition in the profession of the barbers but the fact that he did this for 22 years may indicate something else as well. For 22 is the number of letters in the Hebrew alephbeit. As the Sefer Yetzirah tells us:

"Twenty-two letters: Engrave them, carve them, weigh them, permute them, and transform them, and with them depict the soul of all that was formed and all that will be formed in the future."
Sefer Yetzirah 2.2
[R. Aryeh Kaplan translation]

Through the power of the ten numbers and the twenty two letters of the alephbeit, G-d created all that exists. The 365 counselors that Haman is said to have had are obviously the days of the year. For each day has its own wisdom.

So Haman was a man of learning yet all of his actions indicate he did not possess wisdom or understanding! Haman is concerned only with his own desires. Haman sees every one that bows down to him as servants to his desires. All that is except Mordechai, the Yetzer HaTov.

What then can we understand about of Haman? What is his relationship to the Melech HaOlam?

"And God said 'Let us make man in our image, after our likeness...'" Bereshit 1.26 ...And God gave man dominion over the world.

Haman is in the image and after the likeness of G-d and he has claimed dominion, standing first beside the King. Yet for all of his learning in the world, for all the things he thinks he knows, he is nothing but an empty shell.

The Jewish mystical teachers described long ago the Kelipot [or Qelipot]. These are the shells in which the divine sparks of creation became ensnared and trapped. It has become the custom and belief of most modern Jews that it is our duty to repair the world [Tikkun Olam] and free the divine sparks from these shells.

Haman is the shell of the human ego. The self centered shell of "I", "me", "my", and "mine". It is the shell too wrapped up in itself and its own self importance to truly serve G-d.

Look around. You see can Haman today: blindly following his [or her] own lusts and desires, unaware or disregarding the price to be paid to fulfill its wishes.

He sits in legislatures, in executive mansions, and speaks from corporate boardrooms. He leads terrorist forces and also acts as head of "civilized" nations. He buys and sells drugs on the corner and teaches his own version of truth in his Sunday School. He lies and he steals. He rejects the needy and harms the widow. He cheats on his [or her] mate. He speaks untruthful words about his neighbor and swears by the Holy One that his lies are the truth. He knows and sees only his version of truth and the things he desires.

It is the blind obssession with one's own desires that leads into darkness. In a word the Kelipot of Haman's ego is evil personified.

You might ask: Why then would the Melech HaOlam give honor and position to this awful human shell? Isn't he the source of evil in this story [and the world]?

Let's digress for a moment.

"Friction is what makes things work as well as they do." - Hagedi's Book of Reminders

Get in a car or bus and you can go almost anywhere. But what if the tires of the vehicle is sitting on an icy road? The wheels will spin and go no where until the ice melts or someone sprinkles something in front of the tires so they can get traction.

Friction is what gives us traction and the world its evolutionary movement.

Evolutionary friction gives us birds and cats, and dogs and horses and the whole living world. Geological friction gives us mountains and valleys and also earthquakes and volcanoes. Each and everything in the world serves a purpose.

But, as we have asked the question in a previous post: what about evil? Why would there be such a thing as Evil?

G-d created Man and gave him dominion and the power to create in this world. Evil is a thing created by Man. For some Evil is their "good and very good". Yet for all the pain and terror of Mankind's Evil, inside it the Holy One of Blessing offers us a gift:

"See, I set before you this day life and prosperity, death and adversity... I have put before you life and death, blessing and curse. Choose life that you may live..." Devarim 31.15,19 [JPS Tanakh 1985]

Evil is part of the world we, humankind, have created. It need not be so but it is man that has chosen it to be so. We can ask why should not G-d blot out evil's name? I would ask you in turn: Why should the Holy One of Blessing do so, when humankind is not inclinded to do so?

Look at the story we are examining! We've told the story of Esther for almost two thousand years and every year we've attempted to blot out Haman's name but we never do. Why? If we really wanted to blot out the name we would not have written it in the Megillah in the first place or use a noise maker that is the very name we are supposed to blot out!

And yet...

Evil points the way to good if we are willing to see it. It points to the ways and commandments and laws which lead to Life. It points us to knowing it is not G-d's duty to blot out evil. It is humankind's duty.

Haman is the shell of the human ego that thinks it knows what is best: to fulfill its desires first, no matter what the cost.

...And that my friend is the road to destruction.

So we've shown what Haman's archetype is in the story, next time we'll put it all together and tell the mystical tale of Esther.

HaGedi

Purim for the Mystic

"Desire realized is sweet to the Soul."
Proverbs 13.19 [JPS Tanakh 1985]

So what about Purim? Why do we celebrate it? What mystical insight does it teach?

Let's spend a little time and see what we may find. It is well known that there are four levels of interpreting Torah that together spell PaRDS the Hebrew word for Paradise. Let's see what we can find in Paradise.

On a very simple level, Esther's story is an R-rated adult comedeo-romance that now a days would do fairly well at the box office. On another level, the story of Esther is another way of saying "They tried to kill us, they failed, Let's drink!" On still another level, it is the story of two humans that do G-d's will and save the Jews by doing nothing more than being themselves and making the effort to fulfill the moral obligations they have accepted as true and just.

But having spent many hours pouring over the text to write my country and western purim spiel song, there seems to me that there is something more within the tale.

To read a Jewish story or the Torah properly, you've got to open it and read the story lines and then read between them as well.

Who hasn't read or heard the stories of the master Jewish teachers of blessed memory and the sybolic meaning of the archtypes in their stories? In almost every story they told or used as an example, the character of "the King" is *always* another way of saying "G-d", the Melech HaOlam, Master-King of the Universe-Eternity.

So assume for a moment that the king of our story, Ahasuersus, is a representation of G-d. The story tells us he was King from India to Ethiopia. Melech HaOlam indeed! But wait a minute! What kind of King is Ahasuersus? He's a party boy. He desires to see his new Queen Vashti naked and show her off her charms that way to every one. Oh my!

But being a good girl, Vashti refuses. "Good girl!" you say. Wait! You just might be mistaken because of course there is more to the story and more to the archtypes in the story.

Think for a moment again of the stories of the Rabbis and Maggids.

How is the Soul portrayed? Who is the dark skinned princess-bride of the Song of Songs? The erotic book which Rabbi Akiba described as "the Holy of Holies" of the Kethuvim? Who was the princess-bride who said "Oh, give me the kisses of your mouth, For your love is more delightful than wine."?

It seems that the Rabbis were all agreed that women in mystical stories are symbolic of the "soul" or of the Community of Israel-- Your soul and mine. Now look back to reason for the judgement of what was decreed for Vashti as told in Esther 1.20 "...all wives will treat their husband with respect, high and low alike." Vashti's crime was failing to respect the desires of the Melekh HaOlam: She refused to reveal her true self in all its glory and thereby fulfill the desire of the King.

Okay, so what kind of soul was Esther? To the surprise of almost everyone, it seems that she wasn't a "nice" girl at all. After all she found "favor" in the eyes of her Party Boy King. When the story tells us that the King gave "The Banquet of Esther", it implies Esther was the main "dish".

Now the funny thing is she's got an uncle who really isn't her uncle but who really was her cousin but what ever her "Uncle" tells this bad girl, she will do. Confused?

I know I was but the story is telling us something about Mordechai. Mordechai's name means something like "bitter life". What is his relationship to the soul, our Queen Esther? The story tells us at one point: "When Mordechai was sitting at the palace gate..." [Esther 2.21]. Now this implies to us that Mordechai made his living as beggar, for who else would sit at the palace gates? If he were a rich man he'd be about his business or if he were a sage he'd be within the the King's palace itself [remember he *is* the Melech HaOlam] .

So how does Mordechai relate to the soul? Well the story tells us that Mordechai told Esther to do certain things and she did these things. So what kind of beggar sits before the "palace gates" of the Melech HaOlam and instructs the soul? You have it! The Yetzer HaTov -- The "Good Inclination", The Messenger of Good who sits at the gateway of the palace hoping you'll stop to listen for a moment to the words of good inclination.

So Mordechai has told Esther: "Go join the beauty pagent. You have a chance at becoming Ahasuersus' new wife but what ever you do, don't reveal to anyone you are a Jew." He does not say why but most of us know that being a Jew can make one's life hard in the face of prejudice and ignorance.

Okay, so what is this business about "revealing it all"? Esther reveals the glory of her soul to all and what is the result? She is honored and well loved by the King. "The King loved Esther more than all the other women, and she won his grace and favor more than all the virgins." [Esther 2.17]

But what really is the Soul?

The Jewish Kabbalistic Masters of the middle ages told us the soul is nothing more [and nothing less] than "sparks" of the Holy One trapped in the "shells" of existance. The Hebrew word Neshamah or soul has its roots in the word for breath. The Rabbis said our soul [neshamah] is nothing less than the breath of the One G-d that created us. "He blew into his nostrils the breath of life, and man became a living being." [Bereshit 2.7]

Our "soul", the Queen Esther in our story, is honored above "woman or virgin" because she was open to the embrace of the devine. She was willing to reveal to the whole wide world the true beauty and grace of the divine breath within her. Unlike Vashti, Esther was willing to give, do, and obey whatever the Melech HaOlam asked of her. Remember: "We will do, We will obey"?

But now the story gets really interesting when the villain, the evil Haman, takes the stage... But we'll talk about that next time.

HaGedi

A Country and Western Pur'm Spiel

"It happened in the days of Ahasuerus..."
Esther 1.1 [JPS Tanakh 1985]

A purim song set to a country and western drinking song melody.... Inspired by Rabbi's telling of the tale. It not a song for the weak throated at 22 minutes playing time...

Next time we'll talk about it's mystical meaning.

* * * * *


Here is a song about Esther
About Uncle Morty, Hayman, and Arty the King
It's not like the one you heard in Hebrew School
This story is a whole different thing

Now there once lived a King named Arty Zersis
He ruled hun'red twenny seven sat-trap-pees
But most of all he loved to party
And women who wore nothing but the breeze

So Arty the King built himself a City
The City was called Shoe-shine by name
Cos Arty just loved to party
And Shoe-shine was a heck of a name.
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Shoe-shine is a heck of a name


Now on the highest street of the City
On the most beautiful street of that Town
Arty the King, He got married
To one of the most beautiful girls around

Then Arty the King threw a big party
He sent his new Queen a golden crown
He asked her to show ev'ry one her big jewels
So please dear, don't wear your gown.

Now Vashti the Queen was a real Beauty
And she was right and true and just
She would not submit to King Arty's wishes
So he kicked her out into the Dust
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
He kicked Vashti into the Dust


Poor King Arty Zersis was so unhappy
He needed a Queen to show ev'ryone he was so great
So his ministers called for a beauty pageant
To find the King a new mate

On the lowest street in the City
On the meanest street of the Capital town
There lived a young exotic dancer
Who that night dreamed she was wearing a crown

Now the girl's name was Haddasseh
She was just a lowly Jewish working girl
She made ends meet by making ends meet
In the oldest profession in the worl'
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
In the oldest profession in the worl'


Now Morty Chai was the girl's uncle
He begged an' panhandled by the Shoeshine city gate
When he heard about the beauty contest
He told Haddasseh not to be late

"One thing my pretty" Uncle Morty told her
"Please, don't let them know that you're a Jew
There might be evil repercussions
That might be the end of you."

"But Uncle Morty my name is Jewish,"
As Jewish as a Jewish girl's name can be
How will the king ever see my big jewels
My Jewish name will be the end of me
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie...
My name will be the end of me


So why don't we just call you Esther
It's a good name if you want to be seen
You'll be able to show the King all of your jewels
And he just might make you his Queen

So the contest was held in Shoeshine
All the beautiful girls showed off their stuff
Til Esther's big Jewels came out of her gown
King Arty Cried: "She's got more than enough!"

Now on the day that party King Arty
Took Esther to be his bountiful Queen
Uncle Morty heard two plotters plan a killing
A killing like Shoeshine had never ever seen
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie...
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
A plot Shoeshine had never seen


The plotters planned to make Queen Esther a widow
By making Arty a newly dead king
Uncle Morty told the Queen who was like his daughter
Because he wanted to prevent this evil thing

So Queen Esther told her party boy Arty
And Arty put an end to the plot
When He asked who had told her
Esther said "I heard it from Morty the Sot"

So Esther became Queen in Shoeshine
And showed her jewels in nothing but a crown
Her Uncle Morty still begged at the city gate
From everyone that came into town
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie...
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Morty still begged around the town


You might think Queen Esther had a good end.
It's true King Arty thought her's was the best
But this tale my friend is just beginning
Just wait while I tell you the rest

For you see there arose among Arty's sages
A man called Hayman of evil fame
For he was a lover of evil deeds
Who wanted to blot out our name

Hayman rose to be King Arty's Chief Counselor
For Arty's idea of evil was an empty bottle of wine
And as Hayman kept the King's cup overflowing
He convinced the King a new law to sign
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie...
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Hayman's new law Arty did sign


The new law proclaimed Hayman the best of the best
And all should bow before him in turn
But Uncle Morty would not bow down to Hayman
And Hayman's anger grew till it burned

For you see Hayman hated all the Jews
Whether Young, old, beautiful, ugly, big or small
But it was Uncle Morty the Jew
That Hayman hated the most of all

So Hayman the Evil Counselor
Got another law the drunken King Arty to sign
It proclaimed Death for all the hated Jews
For ten thousand talents of silver so fine
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie...
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Death for silver so fine


When Uncle Morty Heard the evil tidings
He rented his clothes and put on old flour bags
"Oy! From such a fate we should be saved!"
He cried before Esther's palace in rags.

Now remember our beautiful Queen Esther?
Of bountiful Jewels and beautiful end so true?
She was afright of Hayman's new Law
"Oh, Uncle Morty, What ever can I do?"

Uncle Morty sent a note to Queen Esther
"Haddasseh, you must speak to the King in our name..."
"But if I speak to the King I might die..."
"If you don't it will be just the same"
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie...
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
If you don't it will be just the same

She said “So all of you fast and pray for me
and I will try to do the same
For three days to work my courage up
To Call Drunken King Arty by his name”

On the third day she came to King Arty
And Arty saw her jewels. "Oh my what a dish!"
He called to her, "Oh Queen Esther!"
"I'll give you what ever you wish!

"King Arty, will come to my place later for a feast?"
She said as she jiggled her jewels with a smile
"And bring your boy Hayman along with you too..."
"We can drink some wine and talk for a while.
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie...
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
We can talk if that's all you want to do


King Arty called for Hayman the Evil Counselor
And together they went to the Queen's place
Queen Esther had never been more beautiful
An evil smile came to Hayman's face

Over wine Arty promised Esther anything
"To half the kingdom and more! I will give to you"
She winked and nodded at Hayman.
"Come tomorrow and I will do whatever you want to do."

Evil Hayman was happy when he left the Queen's palace
"Esther wants me in the king's stead"
Tomorrow I will see Old Morty die
And I will be lying in Queen Esther's bed
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Hayman wants to lie in Esther's bed

Hayman went home to plot to replace the King
But that night King Arty had a troubled sleep
He called to have a scribe read something
For reading is better than counting sheep

So the Scribe read a thing from the Annals
How Old Morty the Sot saved the king
"Has the old rascal been rewarded?"
"No you didn't give him a thing!"

King Arty called for his counselor Hayman
"How shall I reward someone who's truly great?
I desire to Honor someone
Who saved me from an awful fate!
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Who saved the king from an awful fate?


Now Hayman thought the king wanted to reward him
Because Hayman thought only he was so great
So he told the king what should be done
To give an honor of such a great weight

Take the man and dress him in your royal robes
Put him on your royal horse and make a parade of State
All the while announcing
"The King thinks this man is really great!

The King jumped for joy at these words
Then ordered Hayman to find Morty the Jew
Do all the things you have just said
and I want you to lead his horse too.
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Remember to lead his horse too.

Hayman did as he was ordered
No matter how much he hated Morty the Jew
Fearing the king would take his life
If he didn't do as he was told to do

Now as it happened that very morning
Hayman's daughter saw the parade of Morty the Jew
She flung a full chamber pot from her window but missed!
Hitting Hayman in the face with the doo

For Hayman, the day was long and tiring
Twenty miles if it was a step
For all around the town of Shoeshine
His enemy Morty the Jew he did schlepp.
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Hayman paraded Morty the Jew


When the parade was finally over
Hayman barely had time to bathe and dress
He had to get to Queen Esther
The queen he desired to evilly caress

Hayman rushed into the Queen's darkend chambers
And found her waiting with open arms
For she thought Hayman was her King Arty
Come to taste her willing charms

"Oh my Queen now that I have you
I will take from you what I need
For I Hayman will make you
Submit to my evil deed
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Hayman tried to force an evil deed

"No! No!" She cried and wept
Trying to push him away
But he forced her on to the bed
With her jewels he was determined to play

The room suddenly lit up with torches
"My Queen, What is this? What is it that you need?"
Yelled the suddenly arrived, sobered Arty the King
She cried "Save from me from Hayman's evil deed!"

At these words she told Arty everything
How Hayman plotted to kill each and every Jew
She said "But He wanted me for himself
For he did not know I am a Jew too..."
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Hayman did not know she was a Jew


In rushed one of the King's servants
Who reported Hayman's plan to kill Morty the Jew
If your plan was good enough to kill Morty
Evil Hayman, it will be doubly so for you.

Now Esther and Morty told King Arty
of the terrible Jewish fate
We must stop our people's murder
Before it is much too late.

So the King Arty helped the Jews
To save us from Hayman's evil fate
The king gave the Jews weapons
To fight on that evil date
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
To fight on that evil date

The funny thing about this story
The Holy One, We did not talk of at all
That because sometimes He's is hidden
In the words and deeds each of us all

Drink Until You know not Evil Hayman
Nor even Saintly Morty Chai the Jew
Cast your lots now and gamble
For on this day we're allowed to

Now for all time we will remember
The lot that was cast on this date
And how the Holy One of Blessing
delivered us from an evil fate
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
Lie lie lie lie lie la lie
We give thanks for our blessed fate

words and music copyright © 2007 HaGedi

... But what about Evil?

"...I have set before thee this day life and good, and death and evil, in that I command thee this day to love the LORD thy God, to walk in His ways, and to keep His commandments and His statutes and His ordinances; ... I call heaven and earth to witness against you this day, that I have set before thee life and death, the blessing and the curse; therefore choose life, that thou mayest live, thou and thy seed;" Devarim 30.15-19 [1917 JPS Tanakh]

Evil.

Evil is so much more than sin.

Sin is missing the mark.

Evil is the road to destruction.

In English, Evil is what you get when you spell the word "live" in reverse. But what IS Evil? It is a concept that seems to dominate our lives these days: Evil Empire, Axis of Evil, Evil Doers...

Where did Evil come from? Who created it? Evil pains us, it jars us, it makes us fear. It makes us question G-d and the existence of G-d: If G-d is so good, knowing, and all-powerful, why does G-d not prevent Evil? Since G-d allows Evil to occur does this mean G-d is Evil? Is G-d not so good?If G-d is not so all-knowing, or all powerful then can we call G-d, God? Is G-d limited?

These are among the logical mind fields that you regularly fall into when delving Religious Philosophy 101.

First let me submit to you that what we really "know" about G-d would not fill a single drop in a thimble. Maimonides came up with the idea of "Negative Attributes"-- If you can describe it then it isn't really G-d. In the Jewish framework, G-d is ultimately unknowable. We humans are not equipped to "know" G-d... yet sometimes we can experience G-d's Presence.


The Jewish Mystical view of G-d is summarized in the final clause of the Shema: "Adonai Echad!" G-d is One. Where there is One, there can be no other. All is contained with in the One. The early Jewish mystics theorized how G-d "emanated" a small portion of Its Self to create our universe.

The closest point we can come to "know" the Unknowable One is call Ayin -- "Nothing". Why Nothing? Simply because there is Nothing we can know about the Holy One beyond that point. Were a modern atheist able to say to one of these mystics, "You know nothing about G-d! G-d is Nothing!" The sage mystics would nod their head and agree. God is Ayin.

A later mystic, Rabbi Isaac Luria Ashkenaz, added to this idea of the "emanation" of G-d into creation further. He said, in so many words, G-d allowed the universe to come into being by withdrawing from the place our universe occupies... Yet still: Adonai Echad! There is only ONE.

"But what about EVIL?" You ask. "Doesn't that mean that EVIL comes from G-d? To give a Jewish answer [that I hope Rabbi will be proud of]: Yes and No.

William of Occam long ago put forward the idea when given two equally valid explanations for a phenomenon, one should embrace the less complicated formulation. This became know as Occam's razor. Let's try to shave the barber.

First let me say: Evil is not a product of either the "natural" world or an "ungodly" supernatural [or demonic] force. Evil requires a "moral or ethical framework". Morals and ethics are products of humankind's thinking as established in the code of its civil and religious institutions-- they are not the product of the "natural world".

Let's go back to the beginning: "And God created man in His own image, in the image of God created He him; male and female created He them. And God blessed them; and God said unto them: 'Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that creepeth upon the earth.'"

Man has dominion. Dominion is "power or the use of power over something." We might think we have dominion over the world but sometimes it lets us know otherwise. The natural world as the unknowable Holy One "created" it, was not established with a "moral framework". It was established with a precise [but not quite known] set of "laws" which man has spent many centuries learning about. At its crudest "natural law" is "dog eat dog and the buzzards get the leftovers". Though we may think of ourselves as the smartest of all living creatures event our intelligence cannot prevent tragedies.

When an earthquake occurs, a car blows a tire and hits a guard rail, or a hurricane wreaks havoc, it is a tragedy but it is not Evil. A demonic force is not required for these things to occur. These events and their kind are "built in" to the natural scheme of things.

"But what about evil? Where does it come from if not from God or a Satan?" Patience, friend, we'll get there.

First, let's take another side trip: let's clear up who Ha-Satan really is and what Ha-Satan does: The Ha-Satan of the Torah was a servant of the Holy One and never, ever a separate evil power tempting man away from G-d. Man has always been able to do *that* without any help. So what was Ha-Satan?

Ha-Satan was nothing more than a "moral" quality control inspector.

A what?

Let me explain:

For many years I worked in the manufacturing and aerospace industries as a quality control inspector and Quality Analyst. I was given a set of standards and specifications and it was my job to see if the parts being manufactured "measured up" to those standards and specifications. That was all I did for almost fifteen years: Seeing new and more creative ways of making mistakes and finding new and more clever ways of measuring things to the standards and specifications I was given.

Quality folks are not very well liked. Our job was to point out mistakes but I did the job I was hired to do. I often quipped that I must have been a masochist to have wanted a job that made me so well hated. I am proud to have helped make the space shuttle as safe as I could make it during those years... [unfortunately I did not have a say over poor management decisions.]

But you might then ask: how do you measure moral standards? Long ago, the Rabbis came up with the idea of "Ha-Satan". Ha-Satan worked for the Holy One as nothing more than a "moral force" that measured the quality of our compliance with the accepted moral and ethical values we adopt when we accept the yoke of the Torah. Ha-Satan looks for the flaws in our compliance with the Mitzvot.

Certainly a Humanist might say that God and Ha-Satan are not required in these modern times. After all we have created D.A.s and courts of Law. Belief in "supernatural entities" are not required for creation of the world or for moral judgement. One might also say very logically the universe is not required. After all why bother with all of this evil? Why bother having any of this... this... whatever it is? I've yet to hear a Humanist say that the universe is not required and there for should cease and desist forthwith.

Ok, so Ha-Satan works for the Holy One but we still have not answered the important questions: What is Evil and where does it come from?

I said before: Man has dominion. Whether you are a literalist or a fabulist or a factualists on the origin of the Torah is unimportant. The very first chapter of the Torah tells us that this world is man's world and man has the right to create whatever he pleases. No where in the first chapter of B'reshith [Genesis] does the Holy One say anything about Evil or creating Evil. "and this was good, and that was good,.." but never a word about ".. and this was evil."

So where does Evil come from?

To put it bluntly: Man.

Man creates evil. "...I have set before thee this day life and good, and death and evil..." Life and goodness go hand in hand. So too do Death and evil.

Evil is a destructive force rooted in self-centered *human* behavior. Like a selfish child on steroids it is the voice that says: "I will do what I want to do, and if I have to I will kill you and take your stuff to get what I want." Evil requires malice-- that callous disregard for common ethical or moral values.

We all have experienced Evil. Some of us have even created or participated in it.

I speak from experience.

My own evil deeds destroyed me and harmed those who were then around me. I died but was brought back for a second chance. To quote a poster I have seen: "Mistakes: It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others."

I won't talk about what happened. Any thing I might say about my part it those events could be seen as trying to varnish away my guilt. I won't do that.

I can tell you from experience that for every innocent man that is convicted of a crime, there are thousands of convicts who claim that their blackest deeds were not a crime at all, at least, in their own eyes.

On the other hand: Evil may not be a conscious decision. It can be, but I cannot tell you that it is. We might like to think it is but I am not so sure. I cannot ascribe my own choices or deeds as having been inspired by a "supernatural or demonic cause" but looking back I cannot say that my choices were rational. Why did I do those things? I do not know.

Alright so we answered the question of who created evil and part of why... but what about God's part in this?

Can't God stop Evil?

Jews have been on the worst end of human Evil. The civilian toll in World War II was 37 million. Six million of them were Jews. That is 16 percent of the total civilian deaths when we were maybe 0.5 percent of the world population. To make it worse those that died were about half our total population at the time.

Some thinkers say that the Ha-Shoah proves that G-d is limited and that is why G-d did nothing. I think that what is limited is their understanding of the Holy One and of Human kind.

Other say that Ha-Shoah proves that the Holy One has unilaterally broken the covenant with Israel. Hmmm... I might ask: How many times have we broken the covenant with the Holy One, and the Holy One has taken us back? What kind of parent denies their child?

You can read more of this kind of thing at Wikipedia's entry on Holocaust Theology

and yet... after much reading and thought: It is not that G-d does not want to stop the Evil we create. Nor is that G-d can not stop the Evil we create. It is that the Holy one *chooses not* to stop the Evil we create for Its own unknowable reasons.

Yet there is an answer: The Holy One gave us the Law. It is we who must choose to follow that Law. It is we who must enforce that Law among ourselves and it is we who must suffer the consequences when we break it or do not enforce it.

There was a time long ago when we were children and Mommy or Daddy would come and punish Evil behavior. But as we grew up, our parents stepped back and let us choose. Good or bad. We paid or were rewarded. Should it be less so for G-d?

Ha-Shoah gave us gifts were we but to look at them. Sacred gifts. Holy gifts. Priceless gifts.

Out of the darkness of Ha-Shoah came the brightness of Israel reborn. Ha-Shoah has given us the words "never again"-- It has given us a renewed purpose for social justice.

"...I have set before thee this day life and good, and death and evil..."

We choose.

Each and every day.

Whether we want to or not.

What do you choose?

More soon.

HaGedi

The Mystical Contemplation of Shabbat

"And God blessed the seventh day and declared it holy, because on it God ceased from all the work of creation the He had done." Genesis 2.3 [JPS Tanakh 1985]

As you may know, several months ago I was accepted as a "proselyte" in a Reform congregation. I have spent a lot of time studying and adjusting the mysticism I grew up with to the mysticism that is in the Judaic worldview. I will attempt to share with you what I have found to be the difference in regards to the holiness of the seventh day.

The first question one may ask is: "Why is the 'seventh day' different from all other days?" Asking this question is like the one asked in the traditional Pesach (Passover) Seder: Why is this day (Pesach) different than all other days? See below for the answer.

Why is Shabbat different that all other days?

Joshua Abraham Heschel observed that most mystical traditions characterize a place or a thing as Holy. A holy rock. A holy building, A holy place, A holy somthing-or-other. Most mystical and religious paths focus on physical objects as the primary objects of veneration but in Heschel's view Judaism declares a special time as holy.

Heschel notes the first thing G-d declared in the written Torah as 'Holy' is Shabbat. G-d did not declare a place or a thing as 'holy' but declared a time-- "the seventh day". The seventh day partakes of the holiness of the G-dhead.

The second thing that G-d declared as holy was mankind for they are the "image and likeness" of G-d. A mystical understanding of "You shall be Holy, for I am Holy" means not just the Children of Israel, but all humankind is made in the 'image and likeness of G-d" and is therefore Holy.

If one is following the traditional Heredi path of Judaism then the written and oral Torah applies when one observes Shabbat -- the Holy Day. But what of the non-traditional path? What path a should "liberal" jew or even a non-jew follow to make the seventh day Holy?

The typical "Christian-New Age-Metaphysics" view of the sabbath day does not emphasize how the seventh day is different.

To most Christians and New Age Metaphysicians, the Sabbath day is a "day off from work" but this does not engender making time Holy. As some of the local Baptist see it, Sabbath is a "day of goin' ta listen to tha' preacher and the words of good book, and mebbe a fixin' the leak in the roof, an' a watchin' the big game or race and then raisin' hell the rest a' tha week. "

That view of the seventh day does not make one a participant in Holiness and that is the intent of observing and celebrating Shabbat.

In Judaism, we celebrate and observe Shabbat. To "celebrate" is to "joyfully participate" in Shabbat. We joyfully participate in the Holiness of that declared time. We find ourselves looking forward to that special place the special time. In word and action, we meditatively build a separate space-time continuum and for that 24 hour period we stand outside the normal "space-time" of the world. We are in "Holy Time - Holy Space".

What then are we to do in that Holy Time and Holy Space? The Haredi tradition specifies "no work" and splits hairs over what is permissible. The Torah says that you can do no "work" on Shabbat: No writing, no turning on lights, no driving. They have even a list of 39 types of work you are not allowed to perform on Shabbat.

As a mystic, I find the traditional rules do not achieve what was intended. To be sure, I limit the kinds of things I do such as: I do not write this blog or write e-mails. I do not do things I do every other day of the week. I do this for a reason: to allow myself to focus on the Holiness of the Holy Day.

How should one approach it from outside the traditional framework? How is one to keep Shabbath holy?

A mystical way of looking at Shabbat is: Shabbat is a 24 hour period of conscious "in-the-world" outward contemplative meditation.

Huh?

What do I mean by that?

Did you notice that word "observing" I used above? What does one do when they are observing?

Mysticism is built upon contemplation and meditation of G-d. Normally, meditation is the method of choice and is used to journey inward. That is, we turn our focus inward and shut off outward directed thoughts or actions. We observe the inward worlds of God's creation.

But the seventh day is different. Shabbat is the day of the Shekinah-- The Glory of G-d, the Kingdom of HaShem known as Malkut. Therefore our observation, our meditation, must be different.

On the seventh day you turn your contemplative eye not inward to know G-d, but outward to behold the Holiness of the world around you. You focus the Eyes of your Knowing upon the physical manifestation of G-d's creation to know its Holiness. That means you too. You are just as much a part of that Holy Time and Holy Space -- "You shall be Holy for I am Holy."

Frankly, as a practical matter, I do not think it matters what day you actually do this... but to be properly "observant" requires you consistantly set aside every week 24 hours as a special and different time. It is a time to do one thing and that is: contemplate, observe, and celebrate the "holiness" in the manifest world and in you, yourself, as a "vessel" of holiness.

I can fully understand how some Kabbalistic or eastern meditation masters can do and be what they are... They stay in that Holy Time-Holy Space. They are consciously living within the Presence of the Shekinah every moment.

I'm not one of them.

Mere mortals [or unknowing fools such as myself] have to practice at it. As as you practice it, it becomes easier to live within that Time of Holiness and it is easier to maintain that sense of Holiness during the rest of the week. Just as the more you meditate, the easier the meditative state becomes easier to achieve.

Most of us mortals are too easily distracted when trying to achieve inward contemplation. Consider then how hard it is when you turn that meditative focus outward? How can you contemplate the outer world so full of distractions? How can you make your Shabbat Holy?

The traditional answer is by building a Temple of Holy Time via simple rituals at home: Lighting candles, Saying a blessing for the Holiness of the Creator of the Light, Pouring a glass of wine, Saying a blessing for the Holiness of the Creator of the Wine, Sharing a loaf of bread, Saying a blessing for the Holiness of the Creator of the Bread.

These simple things: light, drink, food-- know these are holy, tradition tells us, for they were created by G-d. A good meal on your best dishes to know these things come from and are a part of G-d. Aggadah (a word which can be translated loosely as "legend" or parable) says that when Shabbath begins you receive and extra soul that lives with you during shabbat.

A Buddhist might have difficulty with these ideas of making Holy Time - Holy Space as a Buddhist focuses on reaching a state of non-aware bliss-- a nothingness of bliss... except when you point out that out of Nothing does everything come and to Nothing they will return-- the World is but a manifestation of Nothing. Ayin (Nothing) is the Jewish Kabbalah's name for the "Crown" of the Unknowable One -- It is No-thing but it is at the same time everything.

Now one point that many non-Jews may not realize is that built into the traditional religious frame work of rabbinic Judaism is the idea of "wrestling with Torah"-- that is by discussion and interpretation one can learn the Torah that is "yours".

An aggadah says that the 600,000 sparks that received the Torah at Sinai each heard a unique version of the 613 mitzvot and therefore there are a total of 367,800,000 unique mitzvah... the reason you wrestle with Torah is to find out which of those unique sets of mitzvot belong to you.

Rabbinic tradition says Shabbat is a good time to "wrestle with Torah" because it keeps your attention from drifting off into the mundane thoughts and deeds that belong to the other days of the week.

The rabbinic tradition also asks: How can one wrestle Torah by one's self? The traditional answer is that one can't. It takes at least two to wrestle but it really is a team sport and a whole team is preferred.

So after Shabbat dinner comes a discussion of religious ideas and studying Torah-- the idea again is to keep the focus of your debating on "holy" subjects / ideas to keep your mind-spirit from drifting back into the mudane thoughts and deeds.

At the end of the 24 hours, the rabbinic tradition of Shabbat prescribes "Havdalah" (separation), a ceremony to formally end Shabbat with wine, spices, and light. Aggadah tells us the spices (or snuff) are used to revive you as you feel faint from the loss of that extra soul you received at the beginning of Shabbat.

How then can one observe a non-traditional Shabbat and retain its Holy Essence?

If one were to look at Shabbat in the light of Isaac Bonewitz's cross-cultural analysis of thaumaturgy and theurgy as he presents it in Real Magic, Shabbat can be seen as a kind of "magical theurgy"-- one could go so far as to say it is a form of "practical Kabbalah for dummies".

It was once observed: "If a man assumes the position of prayer, He soon feels prayerful." This is what you are doing during Shabbat: you are doing all of these things to make the Time Holy by Being Holy. "But how can you BE holy?" You may ask.

Bonewitz's thesis in _Real Magic_is that all acts of thaumaturgy ("wonder working") and theurgy ("god working") involve Mantra [words], Mudra [actions], and Mandala [symbols].

The prayers and blessings, the actions of lighting candles and blessing the light, blessing the wine and drinking it, blessing the bread and eating it, eating three full meals, reading / wrestling Torah, and the symbols of the Hebrew words / letters and the objects used during the rituals fulfill the "structural" requirements of a "magical or mystical act".

What then is this mystical / magical act?

It is very simple: To know G-d exists in the physical world around you and within you as *you*. "For in the One we do live, move and have our being" and to know-feel-believe this to the best on one's abilities for 24 hours straight, 52 weeks a year.

How then to apply this understanding of Shabbat to a not-traditional path (Jewish or otherwise)?

Applying Bonewitz's ideas again:

Set aside a day - 24 hours - every week and use Mantra, Mudra, and Mandala to built up the Holy Time - Holy Space. Let your words (Mantra) - actions / deeds (Mudra) - and symbolism (Mandala) steep your consciousness in this Holiness of the Time and Space you have built. This is G-d's Time. This is G-d's Space. This is G-d's Temple.

You are within G-d's Holy Temple because you are Holy.

Once you have built this Temple of Holiness, move the focus of your consiousness outward to see how Nothing [Ayin] within is the same as Nothing [Ayin] without.-- that is the world you see outside is *not* different that the world you contemplate within. Be in the world and one with it with the Heart-Mind-Eyes of G-d. Thought is Nothing. Desire is Nothing. Action is Nothing. Objects are Nothing. G-d is Nothing (Ayin) because G-d is Every Thing.

In this conscious act of contemplation you are enabling the union of YHVH with the bride Shekinah. The traditonal poem / prayer / song "Lekah Dodi" is very much a Kabbalistic view of this union:

Come out my Beloved,
the Bride to meet;
the inner light of Shabbat,
let us greet.

Observe and remember
in a single word,
he caused us to hear,
the One and Only Lord.

God is One and His Name is One,
for renown, for glory and in song.

They are One and their Name is One... and the Name is unpronoucible: YHVH echad".

That is the best I can describe how to approach creating a non-traditional Shabbat...

To return to the first question I asked: "Why is the 'seventh day' different from all other days?" As I hinted at the answer is very much like the answer to one of the four questions asked during the traditional Pesach [Passover] Seder: Why is this day different than all other days?

The traditional Seder answer is "Today, YHVH, brought me up out of Mitzraim and set me free. Not my ancestors -- Me. Not then, G-d set me free today-- NOW".

Mitzraim is the Hebrew word for 'Egypt' but meaning 'narrow space' but the word is usually interpreted as 'bondage'.

To use Shabbat to contemplate the Oneness of Creation [Shekinah / Malkut] is to truly be lifted out of the "narrow space" -- the limitation of vision / being / doing -- of the other six days of the week. The other six days are the narrow space where we see the world as separate from G-d and ourselves as cut off from G-d. The consistant practice of building each and every week that Holy Temple of Time, entering that Temple for 24 hours to worship and contemplate G-d in creation and in ourselves is time well spent.

My Shabbat practice is not perfect due to the work hours I keep, yet I have found that when I do keep Shabbat, I notice a big difference in the way I see the world and in my attitude about the world.

Now some of what I have said may seem I am steering "pretty close to the wind" of the "traditional" Jewish path, but in the end do not all paths lead to God?

Being a goat I always seem to pick the most difficult path. We'll talk about that next time.

HaGedi

Hoods

"As for me, I am in your hands: do to me what seems good and right to you."
Jeremiah 26.14 [JPS Tanakh 1985]

What makes you a person?

Wait just a moment before you answer that. Think about it. What is it that makes you "somebody"?

If there was only you in the world then how would you define your "personhood"?

We tend to define our personhood is defined by our relations to other persons.

Good. Bad. Happy. Sad. Thoughtful. Thoughtless.

We compare ourselves to those around us. We try to emulate those persons whose "image" resonates within us. We try to become the "likeness" of those whom we love or who pluck the strings of our thoughts or feelings.

Eventually we build relationships. Family. Friends.

Then communities and states and eventually even nations. But these things do not last.

Well, do they???

Some relationships are not built to last.

Times change. We change or we refuse to change. Marriages desolve. Friends abandon us or we abandon them. Communities, states, even nations fail. These things all fail because the relationship, the image and likeness, were not really true ones. They were not based on a solid foundation.

Yet...

There is one "community" that has lasted at the very least three thousand years: The Jews.

Think about that.

Three thousand years.

That is a very long time.

The real beginning is lost in the sands of southern Iraq. Maybe that beginning is a myth. After all, archaeology has uncovered a lot of things in the last one hundred years. Myths that read very much like what is written in the chapters of Genesis [Bereshit].

Over the years, thousands of clay tables have been recovered. Some of those myths recovered on those clay tables, written in the cuneiform script, are at least a thousand years older than the earliest versions of Genesis.

Among them are myths of Gods and places and peoples once unknown.

Yet even were we to cut out most of Genesis and toss it away as a "rip off" of these earlier semitic and pre-semitic myths, there is still three thousand years of Jewish History.

It was Yakob who really founded the people called the Israelites. According to one of those old stories from Genesis, Yacob struggled with G-d all one night until G-d gave him a blessing. While G-d was at it, G-d gave Yakob a new name: Yisrael, "He who struggles with G-d". His children and their families were called the Yisraelites after the patriarch. The story goes that 60 went down to Mitzrayim, what we call Egypt today, and 600,000 returned [Or so the story goes...] with Moses, Miriam, and Aaron!

But something curious happened on the way back.

"God heard their moaning, and God remembered His covenant with Abraham and Isaac and Jacob. God looked upon the Israelites, and God took notice of them." Exodus 2.24-25 [JPS Tanakh 1985]

What does "took notice of them" mean? Very simple. G-d acknowledged these people were something special: G-d had a relationship with them and to them. G-d, being G-dlike, very conveniently happened to find a fellow who was on the run from the Mitzrayimi authorities. G-d enticed him into a conversation. The rest is a very good story.

"Come, therefore, I will sent you to Pharoah, and you shall free My people, the Israelites, from Egypt." Exodus 3.10

"Are you kidding?" the simple fellow says. "I talk funny. I'm not likeable. No one is going to believe me." Notice that G-d did think anything of this fellow having killed someone. It would have been interesting to see how G-d would have responded if Moses had played the "murder card".

G-d had acknowledged the Israelites. G-d took notice. They were not just any old people they were G-d's people. G-d did not take these excuses for an answer. Moses of course did what he had been asked to do.

But how do you make a people a People? How do you define them?

G-d's answer was giving them a common identity, common values, a common sense of purpose. G-d made them different by giving them a relationship to something greater than themselves indiviually.

So what did G-d do? G-d gave the unlikeable, funny talking fellow rules and commandments and said to these freed slaves "You shall be my people and I shall be your G-d".

What happened? They bought the idea hook, line, and sinker.

The Jews became a people.

A very funny, different kind of people with a different kind of G-d than any other god anyone had never before seen. It seemed like a good deal at the time. G-d gave the Jews peoplehood and the Jews gave to G-d their acknowledgement of G-d's Godhood. Well, didn't we? Don't we today?

"Sh'ma Yisrael Adonai Eloheinu, Adonai Echad."

Listen Israel YHVH our God, YHVH is One

"Baruch Ata Adonai, Eluheinu Melech HaOlam."

Blessed are you YHVH, Our God Ruler of the World / Universe

For only a few brief periods were the Jews ever a "real" nation. Today's secular "State of Israel" is the third incarnation. The nations have come and gone but Israel the people has remained.

Why?

Because for all of being a stiff-necked, stubborn argumentative, people, the Jews have clung to their values, their traditions, their humor, their vision, their faith and mythical history. These things have kept them alive. They have re-invented themselves and their G-d and their religion many times. I know, I know. There are some that would not agreed with that satement but go back and look at the Tanakh. Read the talmud. It's true.

They have over three thousand years set the rules to define their peoplehood: be born a Jew or follow certain rules and become one.

To become a Jew one cannot just go to the Israeli Embassy and say "I want to be one of you". You can't become Jewish that way. The State of Israel does not have a "naturalization service".

So how do you become a Jew? How do you joining their people-hood?

I am making that journey:

You have to accept the 'yoke of the Covenant". You have to make their G-d, your G-d, You have to make sacrifices. For males that includes one of blood. Finally G-d's people have to acknowlege you as one of them.

Now there is at least one web site that I know of that a friend pointed out that gives you most of the rules. I was, if you recall unaware of this site. There is one thing that I do not think this site mentions and I recently became aware of from my rather obsessive reading.

You don't become a Jew until the night you have completed all of the required Mitzvot and recite the Sh'ma before the congregation. Then and only then are you a Jew. Not a moment before.

I did not discover this until I happened to be browsing one of the CCAR's responsa and realized that community acknowledgement and acceptance is a requirement not only for participation in services but also recognition as a "real" member of the community.

But time and history plays also into who is "people" and who is not.

In the 1800s some Jews "broke away" deciding that they could have Modernity and Judaism as well. While some Jews held to the old ways and the old laws and traditions. Some of the "oldtime" Jews eventually went to Israel. These "traditionalists" that ultimately define who is a Jew and who is called a Rabbi in the Nation-State of Israel.

By their definition, any one that does not follow the orthodox path is not a Jew. They do not recognize non-orthodox Rabbis nor do the recognize non-orthodox conversions. They say if you are not one of us then you're not quite Jewish.

So not only am I not a person now because I have not completed my conversion. I will in the eyes of the orthodox community still not be a person when I do complete it.

Rabbi has tried to calm my concern saying that if I die before I complete the required Mitzvot they'll still bury me as a Jew. I told him I'm not in that much of a hurry... and besides I believe I already am a Jew today. Right now. This moment.

Why? Because I am engaged with my community. I am engaged with my family. I am engaged with wrestling with G-d.

But.

As I said there are some who do not think this is enough.

But I'll save that for another time.

HaGedi

The Stuff of Arguments

"And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, "Of every tree of the garden you are free to eat, but as for the tree of knowledge of good and bad, you must not eat; for as soon as you eat of it, you shall die." Genesis 2.16-17 [JPS Tanakh 1985]


So I got in this fight with my Sister-in-Law.... over a Rabbi.

She's a great Jewish soul... but her way is not my way.

She recommended a number of books by "Conservative" writers because she felt I wasn't getting a "balanced view" of the Jewish world. She didn't [and doesn't] understand the road I have walked nor the vistas I have seen.

She got a little pushy one night a few weeks back and I told her I wasn't really interested in reading Rabbi Tulushkin which took her aback.

I later asked for forgiveness concerning my "rejection" of reading Tulushkin. Why ever would I "reject" the writings of such a good Rabbi?

My only contact with R. Telushkin is a book he co-wrote with Dennis Prager: "Nine Questions People Ask About Judaism". Their answers to Questions Number 7 and Number 8 are enough of a reason. These questions are:

7) Why are so many young Jews alienated from Judaism and from the Jewish people?

8) Why shouldn't I intermarry-- Doesn't Judaism Believe in Universal Brotherhood?

The answers they give to these questions, at least to me, are enough to make a good soul wretch and a bad soul laugh.

One of the "tenderest" spots in my "Jewishness" is the one that says I am "a stranger among you". Yet when I read what these kind, intelligent, and well educated gentlemen write, what do I find? I find that what I seek, what I feel, and what I know is wrong. I am in their eyes ignorant. A dunce. Not worth the effort. I am "less than" one who follows the way that is, in their eyes, "The Only Truly Holy Way".

This is like the hubris of Christianity:

It is not that Christianity claims that they had *the* messiah nor that they declared they got "a new and better contract with G-d". It is their claim that no good or striving soul may truly know G-d without doing-believing-saying-holding *only* their beliefs and *only* their way. I cannot identify with a spiritual path that excludes the stranger, tears down people or relationships rather than builds them, or that shuns rather than embraces.

I do not believe this what G-d wants from us as Jews... or from our spiritual leaders.

A second concern that has come to me as I have have studied Judaism and its history and philosphy these past few months is the modern Jewish obsession [especially over the last 100 years] with the life of the mind and "rationalizing" G-d to the point where the words of the Torah, Talmud, and even the Siddur are empty, historical documents that have no meaning. As they have emptied the meaning from the words so they have emptied the Synagogue.

As an example, Wendy [my Sister-in-Law] mentioned Maimonaides recently and that I should read and follow him. In reading the "Guide for the Perplexed" I can see the "brilliance" of his reasoning to prove that G-d has no physical body... Well reasoned!

Almost 800 years later R. Bernard J. Bamberger [A Reform Scholar] wrote a book entitled "Fallen Angels" which is a history and a debunking of the idea that there is such a thing as fallen angels and maybe even angels at all.

Along the way he takes "well reasoned" pot shots [some of them deserved, some not] at any belief that is "not rational" in terms of a "modern intelectual, philosophic" reading of the Torah. In the eyes of R. Telushkin, Dennis Prager, and R. Bamberger we are "ethical monotheists..." not Jewish monotheists or even more simply just Jews. They each have given us much in the way of information but sadly not much in the way of wisdom.

There are somethings I think some Rabbis need to understand:

1) You can't get a Jew into a Torah wrestling match if you've rigged the match. That means that if what you are saying is not intellectually engaging or emotionally up lifting, no one is going to listen to you. Many Jews find it easier not to bother argueing with the Rabbi. They'll find the door on their own, thanks.

2) You won't get Jews to wrestle Torah if you yourself are bored with Torah. To engage in Torah means getting into it. Even if you don't agree with it or you don't understand it.

3) Just because *You* find your opinion intellectually stimulating does not mean another Jew or G-d will. God has time and again reminded us that what is important to G-d may not be what we think is important.

"Only this was the sin of your sister Sodom: Arrogance! She and her daughters had plenty of bread and untroubled tranquility; yet she did not support the poor and needy. In their haughtiness, they commited abomination before me; so I removed them as you saw" Ezekial 16.49-50 [JPS Tanakh 1985]

Gee... I was always taught that what G-d got pissed about something else the Sodomites were supposedly famous for...

but Arrogance?

"...You have committed more abominations than they... you have made your sisters look righteous..." Ezekial 16.51 [JPS Tanakh 1985]

So I guess we're arrogant.

It is a nasty word but something we Jews have made a very fine tradition.

4) Torah seen and felt with the heart trumps intellectual analysis. Ehyeh Asher Ehyeh can't be reduced to a simple rationalist explanation. When push came to shove, Maimonaides could not explain G-d either.

In fact, if Moses had been followed a rational analysis of the "Mitzrayimi-Yisraeli Question" alone, we'd all still be in Mitzrayim.

Look at all of the excuses he gave G-d!

"...Please, O Lord, I have never been a man of words, either in times past or now that You've spoken to Your servant; I am slow of speech and slow of tongue." Exodus 4.10 [JPS Tanakh 1985]

This is a great rational mind at work? G-d won't take this answer from his chosen.

"... Who gives man speech? Who makes him dumb or deaf, seeing or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go, and I will be with you as you speak and will instruct you what to say." Exodus 4.11-12 [JPS Tanakh 1985]

"Torah Wrestling" means "Doing Torah." "Doing Torah" means not just sitting and studying it then saying "Yeah, that was then this is now-- I don't have to do anything else because I've read the words." It does not mean setting your life in concrete and doing what some body else says because they told you so. It does not mean being so filled with your own arrogance that a new meaning cannot be found.

R. Telushkin, R. Bamberg, and Mr. Prager seemed to seemed to exceeded traditional expectations for arrogance. They have made a fine appeal to the mind even as they have said "here's what it all means, now do it our way, believe it our way... or else you're not really a Jew."

Then they wonder aloud why so many Jews are assimilating or are "unafiliated". Isn't that just a bit arrogant?

These fine gentlemen haved failed to see how their focus on the "intellectual life" of Jewishness when joined to modernity has made a vast empty desert of Jewish Life. They address the mind but fail to address the Heart. They do not look at the emotional or even mythic side of humanity. In fact they imply there is no "mythic" side to humanity... after all isn't that myth stuff something about worshiping Idols?

I am tempted to follow a tangent here about the real nature of G-d but I'll save it for another time after all we haven't gotten as far as Torah Hugging 201.

Now I am not a towering intellect.

I am sure that statement leaves you either laughing at me or shaking your head and laughing at me.

No, really, it is true!

Even if you don't believe me, my store bought Occam's Razor® is quite dull but it seems to my dull intellect that many of the modernist intellectuals have failed to read the Aggadah [the "stories"] in the Mishnah and the Talmud.

Some of the best "mythical" stories I've ever read are about Honi the Circle Maker and his decendents. [See Pg 202-204, Sefer Ha-Aggadah (The Book of Legends) by Hayim Nahman Bialik and Yehoshua Hana Ravenitzky, Translated by Willaim G, Braude, Shocken Books 1992]

Everybody loves a good story. The stories and histories that "speak to us" are ones which not only grab our attention intellectually but also tug at our hearts.

As I said to Wendy:

I am sure you can think of many Jewish stories you love to share not just because they tell something about Jewishness but because they are emotionally satisfying.

You can find holiness here and now. You can find what is true right where you are. Even reading a story. It was said:

"This mandate that I am prescribing to you today is not too mysterious or remote from you. It is not in heaven, so [that you should] say, 'Who shall go up to heaven and bring it to us so that we can hear it and keep it?' It is not over the sea so [that you should] say, 'Who will cross the sea and get if for us, so that we will be able to hear it and keep it? It is something that is very close to you. It is in your mouth and in your heart, so that you can keep it." Deut 30.11-14

G-d calls us to serve not with the mind for He speaks not *to* the mind.

G-d speaks to the heart.

G-d gives us our breath... for our soul is G-d's breath within us.

With each breath we take, G-d's Soul within us "goes and returns" to G-d and gives life to our heart.

I realize that what I am seeking and what I am finding in my Jewish roots is probably not the same as you or even my Sister-in-Law have found. While I greatly prize and honor the Jewish minds of all generations... I am humbled and inspired by the Hearts of our Fathers and Mothers. Their creativity and their vision has been the spark that has kept us alive.

I ask your forgiveness [you too Wendy!] and pray that you will understand I am still learning and seeking my place within the Jewish world. I also hope you will understand that being the "Voodoo Flower Torah Hugger" that I am, I seek a "mystical Jewish path" which is not for everyone.

Now Wendy [that's My Sister-in-Law] replied to me when I wrote these things to her:

If you are not careful your going to end up a Hassidic Jew. Other than the fact that the Hassidic also are "Torah observant" (orthodox) they find their Judaism in a more Kabbalistic and Spiritual place.

I still think all of the over rationalizing that is done is very valuable though. It is through much of this non-spiritual only analytical thinking that many of our traditions stay with us. It is through our dry analysis that we come to the conclusion that Jesus was not the Messiah, it doesn't add up.

We as Jews just need to learn not to throw out the baby with the bath water, and worse than that, as Reform Jews we have to learn all sides of the debate not just what the Rabbi says and make "Informed Choices". In some ways Conservative and Orthodox can be an easier path. They tell you what to do we give you info and say here now go think.

You will make a very interesting and valuable addition to our Jewish community.

It is true I see myself as a mystic, but I'm not likely to end up as a Hasid... I'm not *their* kind of holy...

As Groucho Marx once said: "I wouldn't join any club that would have me as a member."

The truth is I can't say I am truly a student of Kabbalah though there are hints of what I seek within its aggadah, stories, and philosophy.

But

I do not seek to know the thoughts in the mind of G-d. I do not seek the Chariot. Who am I to attempt such a thing? I seek something simpler: the melody that is within G-d's Heart that I may sing that melody and share its Glory [Shechinah] with others.

I seek for the "entrances to Holiness" that are in every moment of every day.

I see the "intellectualization" of Judaism as a response to Modernity but I also see it as an emotional defense to the cruelties which Modernity brings.

Approaching Judaism with the "sword of intellect" prevents one from falling into the trap of "living in the past" or espousing "mumbo-jumbo" as the basis for modern life. Yet this very same "intellectualization" is also a defense in that it keeps one's "heart" distant from the kind of emotional bruising we have experienced over the course of our history-- especially in this last century. It prevents us from "lifting up our hopes" then having those hopes dashed.

One final thing: "intellectualization" of G-d closes the door to the Heart.

If you live in your head, your "ears" will never hear G-d speak. You will never "see" the Glory of G-d's creation. Your heart will never feel G-d's life within you. If you live life this way, call the undertaker-- you are dead.

Been there.

Done that.

"Intellectual analysis" does not address the very real emotional "ebb and flow" of daily life. It does not engage most of our people's emotions to the point of commitment to the ideals and truths that we claim to hold dear-- One does not choose to get up early every Sunday morning to teach Sunday school because of a logical analysis of the needs of 2nd grade Jewish children. A Teacher teaches because at some level they find an emotional satisfaction in the job-- if they don't then its time to hang up that teachers hat and move on to something that is satisfying [If the kids sense you hate the job what do you think will happen?].

So there's this Jewish movement and that Jewish movement and the other Jewish movement within Judaism trying to give everyone what they need. None of them seem to be succeeding..

Haredi, Conservative, Reform, Renewal, Reconstructionist to name the few I know of. One could even make a case that "The Matrix" movie trilogy was actually a movie about "Jewish" reality [You will only understand that if you've seen the movies or read the plot synopsis] and should therefore be considered the midrash-aggadah of a new movement... The Matrixites?

They either talk about G-d as the cold intelligence that controls the Machine-like universe or G-d is a lie but the ethical moralism that's in the Book is pretty good or "Yum! Halakah is good for you" or G-d is some kind of personal psycho-pathic Deity or who knows what else... [I am exagerating but you get the idea]...

They each have their own "right way" of doing things and poking holes and fun at the others. What wonderful arrogance! As if this is all that matters and its the only thing G-d cares about!

Somewhere between these "poles" is the balance which none of the "movements" in Judaism seems to be aiming for.

Wendy accused me of throwing out the good with the bad.

The point I have been trying to make we Jews have and do continue to throw out the good with the bad... and fail to see we have done so. It is rare that a "recognized Jewish authority" tries to speak both to the intellect and the emotions... and do so in a satisfying way. The best I've found so far is Rabbi Lawrence Kushner but who knows? Any suggestions?

The movements either split hairs to explain something away or launch into a diatribe "why are you not living a Kosher life already?" or the umteenth reminder "you're living in a sexist patriachal fantasy".

Yes. Ain't that so? What are we going to do about it?

Where is the ethical behavior that embraces the heart as well as the mind?? The acts of loving kindness? The caring for the stranger? Where is a Halakhah that embraces the modern world? A siddur that includes rather than excudes? Where is Tikkun Olam?

That is the "brand" of Judaism I seek.

The life most "born Jews" have led is far different than the life I have led as a ger [stranger]... which leads to my having different needs than theirs. Many "born Jews" cannot seem to grasp how one called to be Jewish struggles not only with their past but finding and living with a sense of Holiness in the present.

[An aside: I cannot say one can "choose to be Jewish". Either you are born one, or you are one and you don't don't know it, or you are not. Rabbi Lawrence Kushner in his wonderful "Book of Words" when talking about destiny and fate says : "Go ahead, try to do something you were not intended to do."]

As I have said to Cynthia: "You breathe your Jewishness like a fish breathes water. You don't see the water as it is natural to you. Can't you see how difficult it is for a stranger to breathe in a Jewish life that they have never known yet something within calls them to live?"

My encounter with the messenger is the kind of mysticism that I seek: To experience Holiness in the simple every day things which happen. To know in a very personal sense as "Day to Day make utterance, night to night speaks out." [Ps 19.3 JPS Tanbakh 1985] the Holiness of G-d and my life as one of his people.


As I said to Wendy:

Eventually I will scan through Telushkin and his books will join my library as general reference. ... but he is for "undergraduate" Jews... those who need information -- like Sunday School Teachers :-) The kind of information he offers is not the kind I need-- he offers history. I seek the Wisdom of the Heart which comes without words.

[The way I see it now is that G-d will judge me for what I am not for what I know. G-d will judge me for what I have given to others not what others have expected of me. Were G-d not merciful, I would not be here writing this and you would not be here reading it.]

That is not to say I do not need "Jewish Book Lernin'". You may sometimes forget these days but I did not grow up in a "Jewish world".

You, on the other hand, grew up in a Jewish culture and its traditions. You breathe that culture like a fish breathes water.

You have been blessed with the gift of being born a Jew and are even more a blessing to us as one who tries to keep our tradition alive by teaching the next generation. In this context [though you may not like it]:You are a Hasid or [maybe more to your taste] a Tzaddik.

I do not understand the culture and the context from which Jewish tradition springs. I do not even know the smallest thing. These are things that Judaisim 101 can never even teach. Over time I will come to understand some what to you is second nature. In this I will never know the heart of these things but I appreciate the fact that you do.

For example, you know the melodies and prayers of Shabbat and Pesach.

You strive to guide and teach and share these things. Here am I, the stranger standing at the doorway hearing the words and hearing melodies which speak to my heart. They bring tears to my eyes!

I wept in reading the Kaddish at Pesach not only for my mother but for the words that spoke to my heart. I have this happen regularly during services and during the Seder reading.

[Why do you think I hide behind my guitar and play during the Seder rather than read? My voice would choke and my eyes would fill with tears... and no one would understand why that story speaks to me and grips me the way it does.]

As for whether or not I "will make a very interesting and valuable addition to our Jewish community." remains to be seen but I might give you all a few chuckles [or fits] at my fumbling [and rabble rousing] ways.

I love you too. ;-)

Jewish families can be a real pain. But I do love mine. All of them. Even the Shirley-Monster

One final thing before I go:

If you can do what you can to Help Israel in it time of need. It may not be the Kingdom of the Haredi [its certainly not the Kingdom that the Haredi want] but it is the only one we Jews have got right now.

Pray. Donate. Did I mention Pray?

Shtibl Minyan Prayer for Israel

Please God, Bless the state of Israel/Please God, Mercifully receive our prayer for the state of Israel and its government.

Guard it in the abundance of your love. Spread over it the shelter of your peace. Send forth your light and truth to those who lead and judge it, to those who hold elective office and those who defend it. Strengthen them and establish in them, through your presence, wise counsel, that they might walk in the way of justice, freedom, and integrity.

Give peace to the land, and perpetual joy to its inhabitants.

Appoint for a blessing all our kindred of the house of Israel in all the lands of our dispersion. Plant in our hearts a love of Zion.

"And for all our people everywhere, may God be with them and may they have the opportunity to go up to the land."

Cause your spirit's influence to emanate upon all dwellers of our holy land. Remove from their midst hatred and enmity, jealousy and wickedness. Plant in their hearts love and kinship, peace and friendship.

And soon fulfill the vision of your prophet: "Nation shall not lift up sword against nation. Let them learn no longer ways of war."

And let us say: Amen.

How did I get to be HaGedi? Next time we'll talk about "peoplehood".

HaGedi