A Visit from a Messenger

"I responded to those who did not ask, I was at hand to those who did not seek Me. I said, 'Here I am, here I am,' to a nation that did not invoke My Name" Isaiah 65.1 [JPS Tanakh 1985]

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A footnote from the present day:

I realize that these last few days I've posted a lot here in Sefer HaGedi.

Something like thirty or so type written pages. What you have been reading is my "adventures" since I asked that question in February. As of the end if Rabbi's reply in this post we have reached about mid-May of 2006.

I'm trying to "catch up" to the present day and share with you those things which struck me as "AHA!" moments along the way. As I get closer to "here and now" the posts will get hopefully [!] shorter... though I can't really promise that, as I have [as you may see] a love of writing.

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I have signed up for the Daily Torah Study and the "Topical Debate" mailing lists from URJ via Shamash.org

For those interested see the following URLs for more information or to join the lists:

http://urj.org/torah/ten/ Ten Minutes of Torah

http://urj.org/torah/ten/eilu/ Eilu V’eilu: These and those are the words of the Living God

As I was reading the passage about "dem bones" in Ezekial, it was very clear to me that I myself would interpret the resurrection as a "spiritual one" rather that the bodily one...

On the other hand, verse 14 seems to apply to me in particular. It is not one I've seen used in reference to Gilgul. Whether I like it or not, it seems Gilgul does apply to me. I don't remember anything that I could say was "proof" but there too many "little things" that "click"... Too many things that make the path I am on a natural home coming. That's the reason I decided to try to write down the summary of how I arrived "here". [That's how this 'Blog came to be...]

Education is a matter of study and practical application coupled with a strong desire to learn the topic at hand. A lot of my learning opportunities have been along the lines of being "thrown in and learning to swim". Sometimes the rote learning of my younger years takes over as in my slip during one of the conversion classes using AD rather that CE for dating... This I should know but I was drawing on rote memorization.

Unfortunately I think my life path has precluded my going back to an institute of higher learning because of familial obligations and because of the bad choices I made twenty years ago.

It is clear in my mind that I have now have an obligation to everyone I meet that my past will not be come a stumbling block to their enjoyment of life. These days one cannot be a teacher nor a counseler of souls when one carries a "history". This precludes a number of careers and volunteer positions. Nor can a teacher or counseler of souls be married to someone carrying a history... There's a story there maybe I'll tell you later.

My voracious reading has continued I am reading a lot about Jewish mysticism... what many would call Kabbalah.

Kabbalah has a history that goes back to at least 200 CE and some say earlier. Around 200 CE the Sefer Yetzirah [The Book of Formation] was composed. It is a brief book [about 2400 words] which tells how the universe was 'mystically' formed. Later, in the 11th century another book appeared Ha Bahir [The Radiance] that talked of many things including the idea of Gilgul [commonly called today reincarnation or 'the transmigration of souls']. A hundred years after that came the central text of the Kabbalah: The Zohar.

Part of the Kabbalah as developed in Spain had to the Names of God and how the divine name relates to creation. [Ha Shem or Adonai are the words used when the sacred name YHVH -- which is not pronounced JOE-HOVAH -- is written in the Torah or used in the paryer book]

I'll not go into the details here about the Zohar or the totality of the Kabbalah's mystical system. I don't know it but I'm pretty sure it isn't found in most of the 'pop' books on 'practical Kabbalah'.

If you want to read about it start with Gersham Scholem's "Kabbalah".

I am wary of "online" sites that promote Kabbalah and books and other things. If the book or web site isn't written by a scholar or what you can validate as a rabbinic source, be wary. Even then some of the books I have picked up [especially the "Introduction to..." kind of books] are actually not very good or misleading.

If Jewish mysticism is what you're interested in then read "Honey from the Rock" or "The Way into Jewish Mystical Tradition" both of which are writting by Rabbi Lawrence Kushner and published by Jewish Lights.

In the 15th century mystic Jewish rabbis that had been expelled from Portugal and Spain began to gather in Safed, Israel. From among this group arose one of the last great Kabbalah mystics, Rabbi Isaac [Luria] Ben Shlomo Ashkenazi, known as The Ari.

He developed an idea about why there was evil in the world: When God began to create part of the materials that God used were not strong enough to contain the divine light and they shattered. The sparks of the divine fell and were trapped in dark husks of the worlds coming into being.

From these husks [some times call Qliphoth] evil arises in the world. It is a mitzvah [commandment] to free these divine sparks, for when the sparks are all freed the Mesioch [Messiah -- The Anointed Divine King] will come. The Ari coined the phrase "Tikkun Olam" which might be loosely translated "repair or renewal of time / space / world / eternity".

Imagine that!

The Hebrew word for time, space, world, universe and eternity is one word: Olam.

Einstein had to use two: Space-Time. A physicist turned rabbi [Aryeh Kaplan] pointed out in his translation of the Sefer Yetzirah that the book describes the universe as a 5 dimensional hypercube in a book written in 200 CE!

The Ari also developed ideas on the soul -- Ha Nafresh -- The name of the High Holy days Siddur I had bought many years ago -- my first prayer book -- was Tikun Hanefresh [Renewal of the Soul]

Most of the modern Jewish movements have adopted Tikkun Olam as part of the day to day mitzvah of a Jew.

Over the years, Kabbalah has added a meaning behind the surface meaning of the Torah. In the 17th century a new 'folk movement' called Hasidism based on simple piety mixed with simple mysticism was born. Kabbalah has become part of the soul of Judaism. It is part of our tradition.

'Honey from the Rock' is a pleasant book to read and one with deep mystical meanings. I sat down one night to read it. Rabbi Kushner was talking about 'entrances into holiness' and 'divine messengers'. At that very moment, I had a messenger arrive.

Consider the following a "fictional speculation" though [speculations and mysteries aside] the messenger and his message happened as written. I am more than a bit afraid to take it as "non-fiction" or what to do about it if it is. Maybe I've been reading too much. :-)

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HaShem in His Holiness comes upon us in odd moments if we are willing to take notice of Him. His messengers are everywhere. Events happen and they take on a message and a meaning if we are willing to listen and see them.

Come and see:

Tonight, [Late May 7, 2006] I was reading. My wife had fallen asleep.

I was reading a book I love.

I read:

"You do not have to go anywhere to raise yourself. You do not have to become anyone other than yourself to find entrances. You are already there. You are already everything you need to be. Entrances are everywhere and all the time." [Honey from the Rock, Rabbi Lawrence Kushner, p50].

Just then a little green bug landed on the book. I looked at the bug and he looked at me. Taking my cue I asked, "Well what is it you wish to show me?"

He looked at me sternly for a moment, flicking his antennae at me then crawled up the page and helped me to re-read that last paragraph.

"Ok, so you are a messenger. So what would you have me know?" He crawled on to the previous page, I turned to it so I wouldn't accidentally crush him. He showed me:

"Entrances to Holiness are everywhere. The possibility of ascent is all the time. Even at unlikely times and through unlikely places." [ibid, p48].

"Yes my friend. So you have said."

But my little friend was not finished. He crawled off the book I was reading and down on to the JPS Tanakh [The Jewish Bible] I held in my lap. A few minutes before I had been reading a verse that Rabbi Kushner had quoted, Deuteronomy 30.19, but my friend pointed to the beginning of the chapter and I read what he had pointed out to me.

As I read, I began to cry.

"1 There shall come a time when you shall experience all the words of blessing and curse that I have presented to you. There, among the nations where God will have banished you, you will reflect on the situation.

2 You will then return to God your Lord, and you will obey Him, doing everything that I am commanding you today. You and your children [will repent] with all your heart and with all your soul."

"Forgive me, Adonai." I wept. "I sinned. I failed to keep your word." I knew that was a very long time ago in a very different time and place. Where? When? Does it matter? Through the tears I continued to read.

"3 God will then bring back your remnants and have mercy on you. God your Lord will once again gather you from among all the nations where He scattered you.

4 Even if your diaspora is at the ends of the heavens, God your Lord will gather you up from there and He will take you back.

5 God your Lord will then bring you to the land that your ancestors occupied, and you too will occupy it. God will be good to you and make you flourish even more than your ancestors.

6 God will remove the barriers from your hearts and from the hearts of your descendants, so that you will love God your Lord with all your heart and soul. Thus will you survive.

7 God will then direct all these curses against your enemies and against the foes who pursued you.

8 You will repent and obey God, keeping all His commandments, as I prescribe them to you today.

[The Living Torah, Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan http://bible.ort.org/books/pentd2.asp?ACTION=displaypage&BOOK=5&CHAPTER=30#P1]

I cried, for the words were speaking to me. To me, a someone who has be away a long, long time. As I cried my little friend hopped off the page and crawled up my shirt to look at me and my tears. The message he had delivered to me was: "You can return if you choose to do so."

I wept. It is not often the way of return is opened and we see it. After a few minutes, I thought I was finished with the words and their message. I sat with my friend for a moment more then coaxed him on to my finger and from there on to the table beside my reading chair.

A moment later, as if to remind me of the "other, darker side of things", a large Palmetto bug crawled up from beneath the table and up on to the table's top. [If you have never seen a Palmetto bug, it would not be wrong to call it a 2.5 inch long roach.] I thought for a moment to strike him but realized he was only there as a reminder of what my lives have been like.

It was only when I went to my computer to set this little tale down, that I decided I was too lazy to retype the whole passage from the Tanakh. I went looking online for a digital version of the text [Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan's Living Torah, the URL is noted above]

It was only then I realized my little friend had wanted me to read the whole passage up to the line that Rabbi Kushner had quoted. I read with wonder:

"9 God will then grant you a good surplus in all the work of your hands, in the fruit of your womb, the fruit of your livestock, and the fruit of your land. God will once again rejoice in you for good, just as He rejoiced in your fathers.

10 All this will happen when you obey God your Lord, keeping all His commandments and decrees, as they are written in this book of the Torah, and when you return to God your Lord with all your heart and soul.

11 This mandate that I am prescribing to you today is not too mysterious or remote from you.

12 It is not in heaven, so [that you should] say, 'Who shall go up to heaven and bring it to us so that we can hear it and keep it?' 13 It is not over the sea so [that you should] say, 'Who will cross the sea and get if for us, so that we will be able to hear it and keep it?' 14 It is something that is very close to you. It is in your mouth and in your heart, so that you can keep it.

15 See! Today I have set before you [a free choice] between life and good [on one side], and death and evil [on the other].

16 I have commanded you today to love God your Lord, to walk in His paths, and to keep His commandments, decrees and laws. You will then survive and flourish, and God your Lord will bless you in the land that you are about to occupy.

17 But if your heart turns aside and you do not listen, you will be led astray to bow down to foreign gods and worship them.

18 I am warning you today, that [if you do that] you will be utterly exterminated. You will not last very long in the land which you are crossing the Jordan and coming to occupy."

A blessing and a curse. An entrance and an exit. An invitation and a warning.

As well as a subtle correction to a comment I had made to Rabbi when I wrote to introduce myself. [See http://hagedi.blogspot.com/2006/07/please-allow-me-to-introduce-myself.html ]

I had written to him:

"I believe the Promised Land and Jerusalem is not a place in the world..."

Which is what verse 12 and 13 seem to be saying, so maybe I am little bit right [then maybe not] but I continued in the letter by saying:

"It is a place in the Heart. The letters of the Name of the covenant are written upon the heart and the soul."

Verse 14 seems to correct me:

HaShem is written in the Heart and the expression of His Breath from my lips

But the message does not stop there. Add to this a hint of a mystery as written in Verse 16. Here's the checklist:

Love God. Check.

Walk in His paths. Check.

Keep His Commandments, Decrees, and Laws. Check.

Wait a minute. What was that second item? Walk in His Paths?

You might ask: "What ever does that mean?

One could look at the surface meaning and say, "Oh yes, follow God's way of doing things." But that's all covered by keeping his commandments, decrees and laws. Why say the same thing twice? No, there is another way of looking at this.

There is a story told by some: They say G-d built a Tree. It was a Tree like no other. From this tree, this world and all we know was born. It is an unusual tree to be sure, for from the tree hang ten pomegranates. The fruits of G-d's, Blessed Be He, attributes made manifest. There are twenty two paths of light that connect the fruit, one to the other. They say it is by these paths and the fruit that the Glory that is the Wonder and Majesty of HaShem is made manifest.

But there is more.

For man can not think the thoughts of HaShem. Man cannot know those thoughts, for man is too limited in his thinking and feeling to understand the heights and depths of even a single thought of G-d: For His thoughts are unknowable. His hand is mighty. His truth is black fire written upon white fire.

Many a man has tried to explore the Tree. Many have walked the paths.

They have returned with traveller's tales told with their limited senses and understanding. They could not see the obvious or they would not or could not say it aloud. There is more to creation than just this universe. The Paths lead not only to here but elsewhere.

[An aside-- I've never seen Deut, 30.16 referenced before in regards to the Tree of Life or Kabbalah... ]

It gives me terrors to think upon the Paths. The paths are guarded by His Messengers, but there are other things that lurk there. There are also turnings in the paths that lead into Darkness or other shattered worlds like this one: Places I have been. Things I have dreamed. Once, long ago.

I have often felt as if I were a survivor of a ship wreck cast up here from the Sea of Stars upon this lonely shore from a tempest born of another time and place. Suffering shock and amnesia I have staggered about. Rootless. Homeless. Is this exaggeration? Hallucination?

Dementia? No. It is as real as anything can be.

Reread verse 4 above again.

You may see what I saw in those words.

Could I tell you about it? No. After all, it is just so much dream stuff. Hazy tidbits of memory. Places and times and people and events of dream stuff that cannot be real in this world. To recite it would only be fanciful fiction which might border on self-delusion. I've done too much of that.

There are enough of those that will tell those kinds of tales to build up some sense of self-esteem or getting attention. You know the ones: Those that claim to be the reincarnation of some great historical figure or claim to know the thoughts of the Nameless One.

I'm not one of those. If I was "somebody" I don't remember who-- Which of itself is enough of a validation that what I have touched upon is real. My name and history is naught but dust here and now. This is as it should be. From dust I was born, to dust I shall return.

It does not really matter. At least not for the moment.

What matters is I had a moment of Holiness with a small Messenger. a tiny Green One who delivered a message of hope and terror.

The Question comes: dare I?

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When I shared this "story" with Rabbi, the patient and wise fellow that he is, he responded:

I don't pretend to be smart enough to know if the bug was a messenger or - - a bug. That you found profound meaning in the text is good, regardless of the circumstances. And whether fiction or not, it's a great story.

Now another odd thing here: A few days later I read in "The Encyclopaedia of Middle Easter Mythology and Religion" that the Jewish Prophet Eliahu [Elijah] is known in Islam as Al Kazr [Khadir]: The Green One.

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I'll share more next time.

HaGedi